The Breast of a Nation
By John D. Turner
3 Feb 2004

Well, it looks like the war on terrorism is over!

It has been two years, four months since the “day that changed America forever”. Over two years since the nation turned from its shallow past times to embrace a new understanding of what is important in life. The spirit of bipartisanship, as Republicans and Democrats joined on the steps of the capitol to sing “God Bless America”. Tom Daschle pledging support for the President’s initiatives, stating: “We may encounter differences of opinion along the way, but there is no difference in our aim." Our troops headed off to war, to kick some butt in Afghanistan and Iraq.

And the big story of the day in America? Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe failure” during the Superbowl halftime show. The chairman of the FCC is “outraged”. The Senate and the FCC have both called for an investigation.

Reality shows are alive and flourishing in America today, and stranger than ever. Democratic presidential candidates for president are calling Bush a liar, and claiming he mislead us in the war on Iraq. Dean has gone so far as to claim the Iraqi people were better off with Saddam Hussain in power. The Democrats want an investigation of the intelligence failures that led up to the war, specifically whether or not the Republicans manipulated the intelligence for their benefit.

Only a Democrat could even consider staging a war for political benefit. But wait! They already have, haven’t they. By the way, are we out of Kosovo yet?

There have been accusations that we had Saddam Hussain in custody long before we “supposedly found him”, and just trotted him out when we did to get a bump in the polls. (As if there was anything particular going on at that time anyway.) If something happens in the war on terror, or in Iraq, that benefits President Bush, it is viewed cynically by the liberals, who sneer about how “convenient” it was for Bush that it occurred. Conversely, anything bad that happens is all his fault. If Osama bin Laden were captured tomorrow, the Libs would claim it a conspiracy; more so if it happens close to the election. Likewise, if he isn’t captured, they will simply point fingers at Bush, claim ineptitude, and ask “why not”?

The nation, as a whole, has lost focus. During the 1992 election, Bush 41 was accused of losing contact with the American people for expressing amazement at a laser price checker at a grocery store checkout line. The same thing seems to have happened with Bush 43. While he was busy fighting the war and trying to keep America safe from terrorists, life here returned to normal and he didn’t even notice.

While he is fighting terrorists, we are battling about Janet’s nipple.

Bush isn’t the only one out of touch. The FCC now wants an investigation of the entire Superbowl half-time show. It seems that Janet’s breast wasn’t the only thing that may have violated Federal decency standards. Really!? An indecent MTV production? Who’d a thunk it! You know, when one hires MTV to do the “entertainment”, one shouldn’t expect to get the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Knowing MTV was doing the production would be enough by itself to tune-out the half-time show in my house. MTV has been on permanent parental lockout here ever since we first got cable, and then satellite. Do the rest of you parents know what your kids are watching? You do now!

It’s a wonder anyone takes us seriously. If the terrorists just leave us alone for awhile longer, we will have forgotten completely about them, and the heat will be off. Particularly if we change administrations, as it seems we might. According to the polls, if the election were held today, Kerry would beat Bush by a far greater margin than Bush beat Gore by in 2000. (Yes Libs, I know. Bush didn’t beat Gore. Where have I heard that one before. But who is sitting in the White House? Hint: it isn’t Gore.) The polls show that even Edwards would win, although that result is still within the margin of error.

If Bush loses, expect us out of Iraq soon thereafter, and possibly out of Afghanistan as well. Expect massive cuts in the military, particularly if Kerry is elected. Kerry, it seems, has never met a military program he hasn’t voted against. In the past, he has voted to kill the B1, B2, F14, F15, Apache helicopter, Patriot missile, Harrier jet, and Aegis air-defense cruiser. He advocated cuts in funding for the M1 battle tank, Bradley fighting vehicle, and Tomahawk cruise missile. If these weapons systems sound familiar, it’s because they are today’s front-line equipment and were critical in every battle we have fought since 1990. Evidently, his idea of how to defend the country is to all join hands and sing kum-by-ya. (Can’t we all just get along?). At least one can’t accuse him of bias; his anti-military votes cut across all branches of the service.

Kerry was also an advocate of cuts to intelligence funding as well. In 1995 he proposed cutting by $300 million over five years. In 1994 he proposed cutting the program that coordinates counterterrorism activities by $1 billion. And today we are complaining about bad intelligence and looking for somewhere to point the finger. In the middle of a war on terrorism, Kerry sounds like just the man I want running my country! Not!

But Kerry is a serious contender for the presidency. According to latest polling data, he could win. How can this be? Where is the American public? Wigging out over Janet’s breast, it appears. Did anyone mention that Janet Jackson’s breast was exposed during half-time at the Superbowl? Is there any other news story in America today?

Well, it appears that traces of Ricen, a deadly poison, were discovered in the Senate Majority Leader’s office today, apparently sent there by someone via the postal system. Three senate office buildings were shut down, and traces were also found in a post office in Hartford, Connecticut, apparently from a letter addressed to the Republican National Committee. Even more recently it is reported that a Ricen-laced letter addressed to the White House was intercepted in November. Of course, that’s not news. Now if the Ricen had been found in Daschle’s office and in a letter addressed to the DNC, that would be news. It’s possible the Dems may yet spin this as an attempt by the Republicans to generate sympathy for their “bogus” war on terror and achieve a spike in the polls to counter Kerry’s rise. Don’t put anything past Bush; after all, isn’t it a bit convenient that we would have an attempted terrorist attack right after a poll showed that he was trailing Kerry? Sounds suspicious to me!

Of course, this isn’t really news (unless the Dems spin it as such). What’s really news is what MTV Networks President Judy McGrath has to say concerning the Jackson/Timberlake flap: “I'm mostly horrified as what I think would have been an entertaining, exciting great halftime show that ended so badly in five seconds none of us knew anything about”. She goes on to say that the “shocking scenes” advertised on MTV’s website prior to the Superbowl were supposed to be Timberlake’s appearance, and not what he did afterward. Yeah, I’m sure. Of course, one would expect MTV to admit to wrongdoing here, and simply meekly pay the large fine that the FCC is bound to mete out, wouldn’t one? And I’m sure it had nothing to do with Jackson’s upcoming recording, due out next month. Oh, but wait! According to Virgin records, (her recording label: a misnomer if there ever were one), they are releasing it today instead! Seems those dastardly folks on the Internet have been pirating copies of her songs even before they were released! So in order to garner some few crumbs of profit that may be left (ostensibly, I suppose, from poor unfortunate wretches in the ghetto who can’t afford Internet service), they have pushed up the release date to – surprise! Today! (This would have nothing to do with the spike in publicity generated by Janet’s unfortunate “wardrobe malfunction”, of course).

So it would appear that September 11, 2001, the day that changed America forever has passed into history. Forever isn’t such a long time it seems, at least here in the United States. Even terrorists, the destruction of two of the largest buildings in our country, and the deaths of thousands of our citizens can’t keep us away from those things that are really important in life. Consider: based on a current U.S. population of 292 million (U.S. Census Website), your chances of being killed in a terrorist attack are approximately 1 in 97,000. You have a much better chance of being killed in a motor vehicle accident than being blown up by a terrorist. That’s considered an acceptable risk; people drive cars every day. So why worry? Be happy! It’s much cheaper to let the terrorists bomb some place every now and then and ignore them, than it is to try and fight them.

Talk about having trouble focusing! It seems we have a national case of ADD!

The war is over. George Bush lost. It’s party time!